4-14-09

Landslide

I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
til the landslide brought it down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? 
Can the child within my heart rise above? 
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? 
Can I handle the seasons of my life? 

Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause ive
Built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And Im getting older, too

Well, Ive been afraid of changing cause ive
Built my life around you
Time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And Im getting older, too
I get older, too

I took my love and took it down
I climbed a mountain, I turned around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
The landslide brought it down
The landslide brought it down

~ Smashing Pumpkins

4-7-09

www.neoncitylights.blogspot.com

4-4-09

4-3-09

Red is for remembrance

red is for pain.

I can't enjoy Sun as I think about the rain.

I can't enjoy heat when I think about cold.

I can't enjoy now when I think about then.

My thoughts are tied up

and the nauseous feeling that comes with remembrance

forces me to forget.

And I think about all that I've lost

And all that I will loose.

And I start to cry

until I decide to put it off until tomorrow.

And then I think about how that got me here

And how I will never forgive myself for

not enjoying the moment

and not remembering the past

and I die a little inside

when a hear a familiar song.

Because memories cannot be relived

and even the good ones

are painful to remember.

And I breathe familiar air

and trudge through familiar routines

and I am crying all the time

thinking about how I took everything for granted

for all those years.

And how I didn't know who I was

for all those years.

And it will soon be gone.

And never the same.

How can I look up

when I don't even know what's around me?

How can I open my eyes to the rich life that pulls me

in every direction

for 8 bitter years

when I only have one year to live my life?

Before it changes?

And I can't face the present

for fear I'll remember it one day.

4-2-09

I'm losing myself.

So caught up in the things around me I forget they're there

trying so hard to focus on the important things that I go

too far the other way

and get my priorities

scrambled and confused.

and in trying to find my self

I loose sight in the important things

and in trying to see the truth

I get lost in a mind that is not my own.

And it is too thick with white noise

and screaming voices

to see clearly.

The colors of the world are

blinding me

until I only see in black and white.

And then what?

Where, then, is my yellow brick road?

All my bricks are red.

So I'll build my own road

that no one has followed

because I need to find a way back to myself.

And maybe Dorothy needs a change of scenery.